I know, I know. You are already tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. But the truth is, he affected me so deeply in my lifetime I feel like I owe it to him to write something about how passionately I have always felt about his music, and how it has affected me in my short simultaneous existence on this planet with him. This is the first celeb to die in my lifetime that has really hit close to home. So this is about him, how his music has affected me, and what I think about his tragic time on this planet.
I was at work last night when I heard the news. I didn't believe it. I thought the guys in the kitchen were pulling my leg. But the texts started coming in (for it is widely known I am a huge fan) and I knew it was true.
The King of Pop was dead.
I was upset, but everyone wanted to make jokes. Everyone said "You are really sad for a child molester?" How could I explain in that short frame of time, what he meant to me?
Anyone that knows me well knows I have a really intense relationship with music. Maybe even unhealthy. I don't know as much about music as some people. I just know what I love, I love with all I've got. I don't always know what specificly it is that makes me love a piece of music. It's a certain feeling I get when I'm listening to it; something that comes right from my gut. For just a moment, it can me feel like I'm flying, or being tossed in the air. It starts in my stomach and then I feel it all over. Maybe that sounds total cheese ball to anyone else, but that really is physically what I experience when I listen to an amazing piece of music. I don't know what makes that feeling in me, I just know the feeling. I do, however, know what piece of music was the first album to make that feeling in me over and over again, everytime I listened to it:
Dangerous by Michael Jackson.
Here's how I got into to Michael Jackson. I'm nine years old, just moved to Seguin, Tx from Houston. I was absolutely miserable. I moved from a suburban neighborhood in a pretty good school district to the outlining rural land of Seguin, a shady little drug-hub of a town in the plains of south central Texas. And I hated my school. There was this weird feeling that I got when I started there, like I was late to a dance or something. Even as fourth graders, everyone at my school already had these tight little groups of friends. And a great deal of kids at my school were a. shall we say, rough crowd? I did have one friend though, Christine, who has also passed on from this world. And she gave me a dubbed copy of the only thing that was going to get me through it all.
Dangerous.
My favorite thing to do when I was that age was to play MJ's Dangerous on my walkman, put on the heaphones and read an R.L. Stine book. It was my number one escape. Listening to michael Jackson and reading R.L. Stine. I don't know if I can say what R.L. Stine did for me compares to what Michael Jackson did for me (other than giving me a love for reading.) Looking at the dates on Wikipedia, it's obvious what intially attracted my to his music. He was all over the fucking place that year! He had the song on Free Willie, "Will you be there;" he performed one of the most watched half time at the super bowl (only to be surpassed in terms of memorability by that of his sister's "wardrobe malfunction") and my music class learned the sign language to "Heal the world." (Thanks Ana!) I was into him like kids are into Hannah Montana today. I mean, that dude was out there. He was a huge deal. One of the few moments my parents allowed me to watch MTV was the debut airing for "Remember the time" video. I wasn't a hip kid, I was just a kid, and that was the dude that was all over the airwaves.
Despite these things, my love for the music on that tape was profound, and the beginning of a huge part of my life. Those songs could just take me somewhere else, a place where I didn't share a room with my sister and fight with my brother and get picked on at school and I didn't deal with other silly things that you think makes for a terrible life at the green age of nine. I started out just listening to the big radio hits, "Black or White" and "Remember the time" but then, that was the beautiful thing about tapes. It was too much damn work to always rewind and fast foward, so you just ended up listening to the whole thing. And I would listen to it over and over again.
It had everything! It had the hot dance tracks. It had the risky, slighty-erotic-but-not-too-much-for-kids tracks. It was the rock tracks. It had the more ballad-ish tacks. It had the gospel tracks. This album left me completely satisfied with life every time I let it's tape wind through my walkman.
This also all happened right at the shit was about to hit the fan for MJ. They guy had an always been a media freak show. I mean, he made such an easy target of himself. And as such, it was only a matter of time before someone really tried to take advantage of him for being such a weirdo. And even though he was found innocent, and even though they had a wiretapped recording of a phone call of the kid's dad saying "If we go through with this, we win big. We win everything" and even though it was proved the kid was all fucked up on tranqs when he made the accusation (given to him by his dad,) this destroyed his image to a lot of people forever.
Not me, though. I was 10 now and I was a serious fan. I began to recognize the pure genius of the albums before Dangerous, and I began to appreciate the wonder of Jackson's early career in the Jackson Five. Even as I got older and too cool for pop music, and turn all my energy into "Alternative," jamming the Cranberries and Counting Crows and Nirvanna and Pearl Jam, I still kept a secret devotion to Michael's music. When he did the duet with Janet, I was already a rocker, but I loved that video so much! I bought the single and would jam it all the time.
As I started high school, I got more and more into music. Even though I had been in Seguin five years by this point, I was still having a difficult time fitting in and finding my place. So once again, I lost myself in music. It wasn't Michael Jackson this time, but I still recognized my love for Dangerous had set a standard for what I wanted out of an album.
Fast forward a few years later to Michael's second accusation. This time, I couldn't stand behind him as a fan. How could it be happening again? And I admit, I completely let the media manipulate my image of him, and I decided it was time to let my love for him go.
Around the time of the trial, I began dating THE boyfriend. The same one I haves today. And he had a similar childhood love for Michael, and the issue of Michael's innocence was no question for him. He knew Michael was an innocent man. For one reason or another, this was a topic that could quickly escalate into a fight. I couldn't believe his blind faith is such a creepy man!
"Look at the facts!" I would say. "He's obviously very ill. He keeps getting these surgeries done to his face. He was sevrely abused as a child, and had to stay in the room as a kid while his father and brothers had sex with women. That is sexual abuse, and it probably really fucked up his perception of right and wrong."
He would reply "So then, everyone who has suffered sexual abuse is a potential sexual predator?"
This wasn't a question I could answer. So we usually just left the argument there.
And still, every time I went out, the only music that could force me onto the dance floor was Michael Jackson's. I'm a pretty terrible dancer, and very self conscious, but "Don't stop till you get enough" was like the pied piper calling me. I had to go dance! His music is so amazing
A few months ago, a ran across an article about Michael's failing health and his constant fear of his nose falling off. I started reading some more information about him, and I realized I really had let the media paint a portrait of a monster, and I ate that shit up. As did most Americans. I mean, the truth is, if there had been one shred of evidence against him, he would have gone down as a child molester. But there never was. There was never any kind of evidence that these things happened.
It's true, Michael Jackson was a deeply disturbed man. He suffered intense mental and physical abuse, and was then trust into the unstable arms of fame at a young age. I mean, what would that life had done to anyone? But these things don't mean he was a malicious, bad person. It's impossible for anyone to know what happened, and it's wrong to assume he's a bad guy because of his appearance. His case was that of the greatest tragedy in American Pop culture.
I think Dave Chappelle said it best (as he often does):
"Yeah, just remember when you say 'Michael Jackson looks like a freak.' He did that for you, somehow. Somehow maybe he thought it would help him, 'Maybe people will like me more…' But he did it for you…"
I'm glad I came to this realization, and I am glad I made my peace with Michael Jackson while he was still on this earth. I began intensely listening to his music again at this time, and it was just as amazing as I had remembered it.
Here's how I got into to Michael Jackson. I'm nine years old, just moved to Seguin, Tx from Houston. I was absolutely miserable. I moved from a suburban neighborhood in a pretty good school district to the outlining rural land of Seguin, a shady little drug-hub of a town in the plains of south central Texas. And I hated my school. There was this weird feeling that I got when I started there, like I was late to a dance or something. Even as fourth graders, everyone at my school already had these tight little groups of friends. And a great deal of kids at my school were a. shall we say, rough crowd? I did have one friend though, Christine, who has also passed on from this world. And she gave me a dubbed copy of the only thing that was going to get me through it all.
Dangerous.
My favorite thing to do when I was that age was to play MJ's Dangerous on my walkman, put on the heaphones and read an R.L. Stine book. It was my number one escape. Listening to michael Jackson and reading R.L. Stine. I don't know if I can say what R.L. Stine did for me compares to what Michael Jackson did for me (other than giving me a love for reading.) Looking at the dates on Wikipedia, it's obvious what intially attracted my to his music. He was all over the fucking place that year! He had the song on Free Willie, "Will you be there;" he performed one of the most watched half time at the super bowl (only to be surpassed in terms of memorability by that of his sister's "wardrobe malfunction") and my music class learned the sign language to "Heal the world." (Thanks Ana!) I was into him like kids are into Hannah Montana today. I mean, that dude was out there. He was a huge deal. One of the few moments my parents allowed me to watch MTV was the debut airing for "Remember the time" video. I wasn't a hip kid, I was just a kid, and that was the dude that was all over the airwaves.
Despite these things, my love for the music on that tape was profound, and the beginning of a huge part of my life. Those songs could just take me somewhere else, a place where I didn't share a room with my sister and fight with my brother and get picked on at school and I didn't deal with other silly things that you think makes for a terrible life at the green age of nine. I started out just listening to the big radio hits, "Black or White" and "Remember the time" but then, that was the beautiful thing about tapes. It was too much damn work to always rewind and fast foward, so you just ended up listening to the whole thing. And I would listen to it over and over again.
It had everything! It had the hot dance tracks. It had the risky, slighty-erotic-but-not-too-much-for-kids tracks. It was the rock tracks. It had the more ballad-ish tacks. It had the gospel tracks. This album left me completely satisfied with life every time I let it's tape wind through my walkman.
This also all happened right at the shit was about to hit the fan for MJ. They guy had an always been a media freak show. I mean, he made such an easy target of himself. And as such, it was only a matter of time before someone really tried to take advantage of him for being such a weirdo. And even though he was found innocent, and even though they had a wiretapped recording of a phone call of the kid's dad saying "If we go through with this, we win big. We win everything" and even though it was proved the kid was all fucked up on tranqs when he made the accusation (given to him by his dad,) this destroyed his image to a lot of people forever.
Not me, though. I was 10 now and I was a serious fan. I began to recognize the pure genius of the albums before Dangerous, and I began to appreciate the wonder of Jackson's early career in the Jackson Five. Even as I got older and too cool for pop music, and turn all my energy into "Alternative," jamming the Cranberries and Counting Crows and Nirvanna and Pearl Jam, I still kept a secret devotion to Michael's music. When he did the duet with Janet, I was already a rocker, but I loved that video so much! I bought the single and would jam it all the time.
As I started high school, I got more and more into music. Even though I had been in Seguin five years by this point, I was still having a difficult time fitting in and finding my place. So once again, I lost myself in music. It wasn't Michael Jackson this time, but I still recognized my love for Dangerous had set a standard for what I wanted out of an album.
Fast forward a few years later to Michael's second accusation. This time, I couldn't stand behind him as a fan. How could it be happening again? And I admit, I completely let the media manipulate my image of him, and I decided it was time to let my love for him go.
Around the time of the trial, I began dating THE boyfriend. The same one I haves today. And he had a similar childhood love for Michael, and the issue of Michael's innocence was no question for him. He knew Michael was an innocent man. For one reason or another, this was a topic that could quickly escalate into a fight. I couldn't believe his blind faith is such a creepy man!
"Look at the facts!" I would say. "He's obviously very ill. He keeps getting these surgeries done to his face. He was sevrely abused as a child, and had to stay in the room as a kid while his father and brothers had sex with women. That is sexual abuse, and it probably really fucked up his perception of right and wrong."
He would reply "So then, everyone who has suffered sexual abuse is a potential sexual predator?"
This wasn't a question I could answer. So we usually just left the argument there.
And still, every time I went out, the only music that could force me onto the dance floor was Michael Jackson's. I'm a pretty terrible dancer, and very self conscious, but "Don't stop till you get enough" was like the pied piper calling me. I had to go dance! His music is so amazing
A few months ago, a ran across an article about Michael's failing health and his constant fear of his nose falling off. I started reading some more information about him, and I realized I really had let the media paint a portrait of a monster, and I ate that shit up. As did most Americans. I mean, the truth is, if there had been one shred of evidence against him, he would have gone down as a child molester. But there never was. There was never any kind of evidence that these things happened.
It's true, Michael Jackson was a deeply disturbed man. He suffered intense mental and physical abuse, and was then trust into the unstable arms of fame at a young age. I mean, what would that life had done to anyone? But these things don't mean he was a malicious, bad person. It's impossible for anyone to know what happened, and it's wrong to assume he's a bad guy because of his appearance. His case was that of the greatest tragedy in American Pop culture.
I think Dave Chappelle said it best (as he often does):
"Yeah, just remember when you say 'Michael Jackson looks like a freak.' He did that for you, somehow. Somehow maybe he thought it would help him, 'Maybe people will like me more…' But he did it for you…"
I'm glad I came to this realization, and I am glad I made my peace with Michael Jackson while he was still on this earth. I began intensely listening to his music again at this time, and it was just as amazing as I had remembered it.
There's a few things about Michael Jackson people rarely talk about. Like what a great phillanthropist he was. He donated so much money to the United Negro College Fund. He funded a center for people suffereing sever burns. His charity work was vast, and he bought art and other things to promote creative people in this country. But those stories typically took a backseat, because Michael Jackson handing over $500,000 to a college fund isn't going to sell any tabloids.
I read some news stories last night, and saw a lot of pictures of fans mourning Michael. There were large groups of people dancing to his songs in the streets, people singing his songs together. This makes me happy, because I know despite all the nasty things that are being said, there's a great deal of people who have been so profoundly affected by his music. As much as he was misunderstood by the world, I know that we, his true fans, will make sure he is remembered the way he deserves to be.
Michael Jackson: musical visionary, incendiary talent, of the greatest entertainers to walk this earth.
So thank you, Michael. Thank you for giving yourself to this world. You didn't always get the love you deserved, but you were very loved by your fans, and I think you knew that. There could never be another entertainer like you. And for one lonely kid feeling alienated in a small Texas town, your music meant the world to me, and has helped shape me into the person I am. Thanks for getting me through the rough times. I hope you are at peace now.
I read some news stories last night, and saw a lot of pictures of fans mourning Michael. There were large groups of people dancing to his songs in the streets, people singing his songs together. This makes me happy, because I know despite all the nasty things that are being said, there's a great deal of people who have been so profoundly affected by his music. As much as he was misunderstood by the world, I know that we, his true fans, will make sure he is remembered the way he deserves to be.
Michael Jackson: musical visionary, incendiary talent, of the greatest entertainers to walk this earth.
So thank you, Michael. Thank you for giving yourself to this world. You didn't always get the love you deserved, but you were very loved by your fans, and I think you knew that. There could never be another entertainer like you. And for one lonely kid feeling alienated in a small Texas town, your music meant the world to me, and has helped shape me into the person I am. Thanks for getting me through the rough times. I hope you are at peace now.
